Struggling To Forgive Someone? Try This Shortcut…
If you have pain in your heart, and feel you need to forgive someone so that you can move on but can’t, then you might like to read this.
First though, I’d like to ask you a question…why do you want to forgive this person? What is your real objective if you were able to forgive them? Are you clear about what you really want? Is it to forgive, or is there something deeper that you are seeking?
I recently had a student in a state of confusion and disharmony come to me looking for guidance. They felt so much hurt and wanted to move on, but couldn’t get over the hurdle of not being able to forgive this person for the pain they caused in them.
“Why do you want to forgive them? Tell me what you really want.” I asked.
“I don’t want to cry any more.” They said
“Well that’s not what you want, that’s what you don’t want. Try again…What do you really want?”
“I don’t want to feel sad anymore.”
“You’re doing it again” I said. “Tell me what you really want”
“I don’t want to feel the burden.”
“Doing it again…”
“I don’t want…umm….”
Yes this actually went on for a while!
Notice how hard it was for them to actually be really clear about what they want, when it was so easy for them to put their attention on what they DON’T want?
If you feel you need to forgive someone, then the question is….why? What is the real reason you want to forgive someone? Often the reason we can’t forgive is because we feel we are letting them off without any punishment. Feeling angry towards someone is our way of punishing them and letting them know they did something wrong to us. The catch is if we feel angry, the person who is truly being punished is the person feeling the anger. This is usually why forgiving someone is so hard. We become attached to the anger, not willing to let it go, in case the other person will think they got away with something. Yet all the while we are poisoning our own body with the toxic low grade energy of anger. The entire body is changing its energetic state with this anger. This leads to all sorts of dis-ease and abnormalities in the body. Which brings us to the question….what do you really want to feel? Is your priority making them feel bad, or you feeling amazing?
Jerry Seinfeld once said “the best revenge was to be happy.” Admittedly he said this in a stand up comedy routine however there is a lot of merit in it. Not that we are out for revenge, but one thing we are here to do is to live life in the most joyful, loving and blissful way possible. Feeling anger, hurt and resentment for years is not an inspiring life.
“What do you really want to feel?”
I asked them again and again and finally the answer dropped.
YES!!! You want to feel love! Why? Because you want to feel YOU. You want to feel your essence. You want to feel your Truth. You want to feel the very core of who you are. Anita Moorjani, Author of Dying to Be Me says:
“I knew that was really the only purpose of life: to be our self, live our truth, and be the love that we are.”
You don’t really want to forgive, what you are yearning at your deepest level is to feel LOVE. So let go of the attachment to need to forgive and go straight to the source. FEEL LOVE. At this point, the need for forgiveness dissolves, because you have found what you were ultimately looking for anyway.
If you require some assistance with this process then you might like The Empowerment Series module FINDING LOVE here below…