10 Tips For Better Relationships

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I worked for my previous employer for 26 years. Yup! One company for 26 years! Insane or smart it’s open to discussion.

Now that might seem ridiculous but most of my colleagues there were also employees for 20-25 years. We are talking about a money broker (like stock broker) company that employed young staff straight out of uni and even some straight out of school. So how did a company in finance manage to keep its staff for so long? What kept us from leaving to go somewhere else?

I believe they had a philosophy that should not only be embraced by companies all over the world, but also anyone with personal relationships.

Here’s why I think they had the keys to creating better relationships.

Recently I had a coaching client come to me in a state of disarray. He ran a real estate business and he had just had 6 staff members leave his company to go to another company. He couldn’t believe it, he was shattered. Partly because his revenues took a hammering and partly because his ego took a hammering. 

I asked him, “Were you offering them the BEST option available in the industry?” He looked at me dumbfounded.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“Well, if your place of employment offered the best option for anyone wanting to be in real estate, then they would have no option but to stay with you. There would be nowhere else to go. They obviously left for one reason only, there was a better option.”

I have to give it to ICAP, my previous employer. They knew:

  1. That their bottom line was a result of good staff.
  2. You need to keep good staff.

It’s a simple formula. It’s really not complicated. So they did everything they could to keep their staff. Here are some of the added incentives this company laid out for us:

– A full time chef who made us breakfast and lunch

– Shower facilities with fresh white fluffy towels every day

– Personal trainers twice a week

– Team building weekends away

– Partner dinners for our extended family

– A family Christmas day for client and staff families

– A percentage share in profits paid to us quarterly in bonuses

Yes, other companies approached us all the time. And when you sit down with that ‘other’ company and discuss what they are offering, you weigh up not only the benefits that your existing company is offering you, but also the loyalty you feel to your company for their investment and goodwill in you. It became a no-brainer, and why myself, along with most other employees, stayed there for so long. 

The company I was with was the best option…. full stop.

How can this translate to personal relationships? 

Ask yourself, “Am I the best option for this person?” Or, “Can they get a better ‘deal’ elsewhere?” 

Sounds very technical and business-like doesn’t it, but again it can be quite simple. 

If someone doesn’t want to be with you, ask yourself “Why don’t they want to be with me?” 

It might be a misalignment in values or differences in lifestyles as people change and not always at the same rate. 

But it might be that you’re not offering them a very good deal. If that’s the case, what can you do to sweeten the deal? 

So rather than throwing in quarterly bonuses and some new fluffy white towels in the linen cupboard, here are some other ideas to help you be the best option for them:

  1. Be kind and caring about their well-being
  2. Be supportive in their life and encourage them with their goals
  3. Contribute financially where possible
  4. Be openly communicative, so they don’t have to always second guess what you’re thinking
  5. Bring lots of fun and laughter to their life
  6. Inspire them with new knowledge that you are discovering in your own journey
  7. Give them independence and personal freedom so they don’t feel caged
  8. Contribute to the workload around the home
  9. Be affectionate, passionate and tender
  10. Be accepting of their flaws weakness and vulnerabilities

These are just some suggestions that could help you be the best available option for them. There will be plenty more and I’d love to hear any other suggestions that you might have so please connect with me on Facebook or Instagram. I would love to hear from you. 

If they still want to go to another company or person when you feel you have offered the best option, then there are obviously other factors at play. But start by looking within and asking yourself if you are doing everything you can to be the best option for them.

Have you considered treating yourself and a partner to a retreat?

Our retreats are a powerful way to not only restore balance to your mind and body, but also a way to get clear about your future. 

You will eat incredibly healthy food, meditate, do yoga, receive massages and get lots of much needed rest in peaceful locations. In amongst this you will do workshops and talks that will help you map out your future and learn techniques that will help you make this become a  reality. 

These mind mapping exercises will help you overcome deep limiting beliefs that hold you back from reaching your potential. Attendees in the past have said:

 

“I can honestly say that my time at the retreat was the most rewarding and insightful experience ever. It fed my heart, soul and spirit and has allowed me to move forward in my life with great positivity. I feel blessed and totally inspired. Meditation is now a priority in my daily life.”

– Caroline

 

“The words life changing, inspired, excited, blissful, are only a few of the words that come to mind. I feel lighter and more at peace than I can ever remember feeling. I am free. So amazingly, liberatingly free! Free of expectations and limitations. Free of my past. Free of negative emotions such as hurt, pain, anger, guilt. Free of fear which held me back, and free of that little voice inside my head which kept telling me I wasn’t good enough. Look out world, I’m finally free to be me, the truest, purest version of myself and that version is pretty Goddam amazing!”

– Sandra

Find out more about our retreats by clicking here

10 Books That Changed My Life

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I’ve been asked a lot lately to recommend books to my readers and meditation students, so I thought I would share with you some of the books that had a big impact on my life.

Now there were literally dozens and dozens of books that I could list here, but as I scanned back through my library of books that I have collected over the years, these ones listed were the ones that I felt had the biggest impact on me.

In nearly every book I tend to find at least one nugget of gold, whether it’s the whole book, a chapter, a sentence or even a word. However there are some books that I’ve been given to read that I just couldn’t get into, so I’d put them on my bookshelf only to rediscover the same book a few years later and then I’d read in a  day!

So not all books are for everyone all of the time. You will know quite early on in the book whether it’s time for you to read it or not. Without judgement I just put them down and wait and see if they are right for me another time.

I recommend reading a book that will motivate, inspire and enlighten you every day, whether it’s before bed, in your lunch break or while your on public transport. You have 40,000-60,000 thoughts every day and the nature of those thoughts will be influenced by the words your mind is engaging in. If you are reading positive uplifting content then you will have positive uplifting thoughts. This will filter into your body and improve your health, your energy, your actions and what you attract in life.

So here are my top 10 books (not in order) that have had a big impact on my life:

  1. Emmanuel’s Book by Pat Rodegast

Some of the most profound and insightful wisdom written in a very succinct and accessible way. There is a reason this book is number one!

  1. Oneness by Rasha

A dense tome of insights by a soul that has walked this path before us. It’s choc full of deep wisdom that will astound you as you ‘re-member’ what you forgot.

  1. The Bhagavad Gita with commentary by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi

There are many interpretations of this ancient dialogue between Arjuna and Krishna however for me this commentary by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi reigns supreme. This is a classic!

  1. Perfect Health by Deepak Chopra

For me this is by far the simplest and most comprehensive insight into ayurveda. If you wish to keep balance and well being and learn all about your body type then this book is for you.

  1. The End Of Your World by Adyashanti

This says it all: “Make no mistake about it- enlightenment is a destructive process. It has nothing to do with becoming better or happier. Enlightenment is the crumbling away of untruth. It’s seeing through the facade of pretense. It’s the complete eradication of everything we imagined to be true.” – Adyashanti

  1. The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks

Do you find yourself self sabotaging your life? Do you have a glass ceiling that you keep hitting and can’t break through. This book is the answer to you leaping beyond the void into your magnificence.

  1. The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle

What can I say…the most influential book in the world today for living in the present. Amazing!

  1. The Four Hour Work Week by Tim Ferris

I read this book after I had been in my job in finance for 22 years. This book is the major catalyst for why I am here today doing what I love today. Ok Mr Ferris, it’s not quite a 4 hour work week, but I love it and I can do it anywhere anytime. Thanks dude!

  1. Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsch

Hmm, where do I start with this. It’s in number 9 but this is no means a measure of how important this book is. It’s a must for everyone! Is Mr Walsch talking with God, or is God talking through Mr Walsch? Read it and find out.

  1. Green For Life by Victoria Boutenko

I recall that while I was reading this book I salivated for a green smoothie. When I had my first green smoothie I had a giggling fit as my body hit a high. (Seriously!) Since then, 8 years ago,  I have had a green veggie patch that has sustained my family with greens and we’ve had green smoothies every day.

So there you go…some of the most impacting books in my life. There are plenty more and I’m sure you would have some to share also, so please let us know below which books you rate the most in your life!

Speaking of books, have you heard of the 7 States of Consciousness? These are advanced levels of awareness that open up within us when we start to meditate. Most people live in only 3 out of the 7 states of consciousness. Why do we ignore those other 4 states of consciousness, how do we discover them, and what is life like when we do experience them?

All of this is revealed in my recent book Spirit & Soul. One reader named Phil says:

“Your book Spirit and Soul was astonishing in it’s clarity and simplicity. It is so revealing and inspiring.” – Phil

 

How to Cure Insomnia and Dive Deep In Meditation

If you are struggling to go deep in meditation or fall asleep at night it usually means the same thing…an addiction to thinking. I used to have the most chronic insomnia, taking me hours to fall asleep each night, and that changed dramatically to the point where I would fall asleep in minutes! In this short video I share some tips on how to fall asleep quickly and also go deep in meditation.

Going Deep In Mediation and Curing Insomnia

Are you struggling to go deep in meditation OR suffering from insomnia? Well in this video we cover both of these and how you can sleep better and go deeper in meditation.

Posted by The Stillness Project on Saturday, 6 July 2019

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Tom is a meditation teacher, author, corporate speaker and personal coach. He provides one on one coaching as well as group coaching in his Zen Academy for Transformational Leadership. For his 21-day, meditation program Faster Deeper Bliss click here. To contact Tom about receiving his guidance or booking him to speak at your company click here.

Why My 16 Yr Old Son Skipped School And I Was Ok With It

Friday morning at breakfast and my 16-year-old son tells me he isn’t going to school today. “Something much more important has come up” he tells me. He’s marching in the city with 40,000 other kids to help the government wake up to the climate crisis that’s unfolding before their eyes. “The thing is Dad, the 60 year olds in government don’t care that much, they know they won’t be here for another 50-70 years, but we will. We have to live with this and they don’t!”

What moved me about yesterday’s march was the genuine level of passion and integrity behind the voice of these youths. This was not a day to skip school… this was a day to make change. They really are concerned for the future of this planet.

But another question was asked at breakfast, by his sister, who asked us all: “Do you really think it will make a difference?” This wasn’t asked in a negative futile way, more at a deep level of enquiry as to what needs to be done to make a change for the better.

The beauty of democracy is that a government will make most of its policies on the need to win 51% of the countries vote to retain power. The challenge with democracy is that if that 51% of that country have a mindset that isn’t progressive and for the enhancement of society or the planet, then that will influence the government’s policy. So as much as the march was for the government, it was also to help sway more people to join in the movement for change.

I often struggle with my own impact on climate change. I recycle my paper and plastic, I pick up plastic when I’m at the beach and turn off the lights to save electricity where possible. But as most people feel, it’s so far out of our reach that we feel helpless. I feel that the immediacy of the need for change has to come from the top down AND bottom up.

Governments can influence policy when it has the courage to do so. Last December, Paris, Madrid, Athens and Mexico City said they would remove diesel cars and vans by 2025 with all of Norway to phase out conventional cars by 2025 also. So yes things like this can be done when governments are willing to implement policy over big business.

But what about from the bottom up, i.e. the grass roots of society? This will require more than recycling our newspapers and plastic cups. It’s going to require a complete shift from a consumeristic “need more to be happy” mind set. It will only come when we transcend the programming that getting new things will make us happier. It’s been proven through numerous studies that prioritising our extrinsic values over intrinsic values will NOT make us happier. What this means is that if we feel we will be happier when we get more clothes after excitedly purchasing them from an online store and having them arrive in the mail at our doorstep, then think again. Studies prove this is not the case. If we think we will be happier when we get the latest sofas and rugs delivered from IKEA because we were tired of the old ones, then think again. Studies prove this is not the case.

As long as we have a yearning to have more so that we can be happier, then we will continue on this path of deteriorating conditions. Living from a state of lack, with a sense that there is a hole to be filled by acquiring ‘items’ is a big part of what is driving our climate crisis. This will change when we are fulfilled more from the inside. How do we do that? By assessing what our intrinsic values are and then putting more attention on them. Intrinsic values are what it sounds like, they come from within.
Some intrinsic values are:
• A sense of purpose
• Loving relationships
• Having a sense of inner fulfilment
• A state of calm
• A connection to the Divine or God
• Gratitude

When we have an increase in our intrinsic values then we will be less geared to seek fulfilment through external ways and if this happens in a scaleable way, then we will start to see significant change to the way humans impact the planet. When we combine that with change from the people at the top like governments and corporations, then we really might start to see some big changes! Sounds promising right?

 

Tom is a meditation teacher, author, corporate speaker and personal coach. He provides one on one coaching as well as group coaching in his Zen Academy for Transformational Leadership. To contact Tom about receiving his guidance or booking him to speak at your company click here

How To Avoid Being Dumbed Down And Stay Light

There’s a saying ‘where your attention goes it grows’. The question is, where is your attention lately?

Each moment of each day our attention goes somewhere, and where it goes, it leaves a residual effect on you for better or for worse. If you move you attention to a scary film, your body will resonate with fear; if you watch a sad news story, your body will resonate with sadness; if you listen to an aggressive song with violent lyrics it will leave aggression and a comedy film, then lightness. The question is, are we being dumbed down by society?

These feelings have a measurable vibration to them as you can see in this scale chart here. It’s easy to not notice how affected we are by the world around us and most of the time we are on autopilot reading tragic stories in the newspaper, engaging in negative gossip, or scrolling through other people’s posts on our news feed on Facebook. A lot of this mainstream content is in the lower end of the this chart.

Recently my family attended a chanting night at the Hare Krishna centre in Sydney. Ok, don’t freak out, we haven’t converted and become part of some weird cult. The Hare Krishna centre is a beautiful place open to everyone, and each week they put on a night of chanting and dinner for $10 which is a bargain night out! For an hour you chant some elevating chants about God Consciousness and then usually engage in some inspiring conversation with the community while eating healthy food. We left the event feeling high and blissed out. When got into the car to drive home, the radio immediately came on and the DJ’s were inviting callers the ring in if they have a name similar to genitalia. “Hi I’m Dick Wood.” “Hi my name is Mulva” and “Hi, I’m Eric Shun.” Yeh, enthralling mainstream radio. Immediately we could feel our attention being pulled, almost ‘dumbed down’ and it was changing how we felt. We turned the radio off, but it was interesting to note how quickly our minds attention shifted and also how we felt.
 
If we were to do an audit of our thoughts on a daily basis and then assess them we would most probably find they are not of a very high level. Think about what you thought about yesterday. Maybe pause and just right down some of the 50,000 thoughts that you had, remembering most of those thoughts were influenced by the place that your mind had been pulled into like the media, a Facebook post, or a conversation you were engaged in, ie. other people’s thoughts.
 
So the question is, how often did we think about God, the Divine, our Higher Self, Egolessness or Pure Love? Or…how often did we NOT think? Did we just sit in Being? Did we sit in Stillness? Did we spend time immersing in no thought and feeling lightness? There is a natural inclination for the mind to be drawn to the lowest common denominator. Joseph Conrad once wrote in his book Heart of Darkness that we have a ‘fascination with the abomination’. I’ve noticed that throughout my life my mind tends to go gravitate towards fear and worry. I have to practice moving it higher. It’s not a natural tendency for it to do this. It’s not like I wake up and voila, my mind is on The Higher Self or spirituality. This is our work and there are ways to avoid the mind being dumbed down.

  1. Avoid or reduce watching or reading the daily news
  2. Avoid gossip and negative talk about people
  3. Minimise social media
  4. Be selective about the songs that you listen to
  5. Be mindful of the podcasts or radio that you listen to
  6. Pause each day, re-adjust your thinking away from negativity
  7. Meditate on being light
  8. Read spiritual texts
  9. Attend satsang or spiritual talks
  10. Receive regular coaching or guidance

This is why I created the Zen Academy For Transformational Leadership, to support people to elevate their mind regularly from the menial daily thought tracks and come together as a community and engage in more uplifting discussions together. This takes place through fortnightly calls and a private Facebook group. We have people join us from all over the world come onto these live sessions.

A beautiful shift takes place when we move our awareness to the Divine, spirituality or the Higher Self…we feel lighter, joyful and love. The more we do this the more natural it becomes for the mind to go there. What a gorgeous way to spend more of our day in that space!

 

Tom is a meditation teacher, author, corporate speaker and personal coach. He provides group coaching through his Zen Academy for Transformational Leadership. To find out more about joining this global community click here.

How To Avoid Angry Confrontations

It’s very disturbing when someone gets angry with you isn’t it? Almost immediately you feel that charge in your body, your blood pressure increases, you feel the flush in your cheeks, your heart starts pumping and adrenalin is coursing through your veins. Your first reaction is aggression. You rise up to meet your challenger and you defend your ground and force back on them with equal if not greater intensity of anger.

Now we have a collision of angry energy that usually escalates as each party unconsciously is vying for supremacy in this angry battle. Before long the entire episode, that can take literally a few minutes, can not only change your day or week, but can severely damage the relationship for good.

The good news is, it doesn’t have to be this way. There is a way to be a part of that exchange that doesn’t involve you dropping down into a negative angry space. And there are two really good reasons why it’s important that we do our best to hold our own space and not get influenced by other people’s energetic states.

Firstly, holding our own calm and compassionate space is much healthier for our body. When we change our emotional state into anger our whole body changes. We are moving into sympathetic nervous system state as your body is preparing for a battle. Your blood pressure increases, your breath rate changes, your heart starts beating faster, your blood sugar levels changes, your brain starts functioning from basic reptilian rear lobe, and your biochemistry changes as cortisol and adrenalin replace serotonin and oxytocin. Now our entire state of well-being and happiness has been removed and it could take the entire day to reclaim it back.

Secondly, when we merge our angry state with the person who is projecting their angry state onto us, we have removed any possibility of inspiring them to another alternative. There is no backing out now and what was one angry person is now two angry people. This can then have a multiplying effect as we share our new angry state with friends and family who can then also join in the angry movement. “Oh that just makes me so angry!” they may reply to your sharing of the situation. Now two becomes three and so on it goes like a nasty virus of mediocrity and negativity spreading across society. By not having autonomy and sustaining our calm non-reactive state we have removed any possibility of offering the angry person any other option. We missed the possibility of inspiring harmony and unity at a much healthier level. This is disempowering for you and not great for them.

So how do we avoid getting pulled into those situations? Well this is the challenging part that requires constant vigilance and awareness. The ego of course thrives in angry confrontation; this really enlivens the ego and gives it a sense of purpose. The ego is like woo hoo! I love this stuff! And then the ego hijacks your state. The key to preventing the ego from disempowering you is constant vigilance and awareness of what’s ego and what’s not. We need to differentiate between what is ego and what is our essential nature because if we try doing this by suppressing emotions, (a characteristic of ego) then that suppressed energy will seek a release in some shape or form at a later date.

Behind the noise of the ego is a silent witness, a quiet awareness that simply is. In Vedic teachings they call it AMness or Being. Connecting with that is done though the deep transcending meditation techniques that take the mind out of duality and into the silence, where there is no thought, form or phenomenon. Regular meditation will over time enable you to sustain the presence of this quiet awareness through even the most testing of times. Then when a situation arises, you will have your default state prevail and no ego hijacking you out of it into a reactive emotional state. From here compassion, kindness, rationale and calm will be able to prevail within you. This may help diffuse the situation quickly and offer some inspiration for your angry attacker as another alternative. If not, then the next best outcome is that instead of two angry people we only now have one.

A little disclaimer…this process takes time and practice. It’s not an overnight shift that takes place. Be easy on yourself if you find yourself getting swept away by emotional reactivity. And if in doubt, seek out some support and guidance through these situations that doesn’t involve dumping more anger onto your Mum, brother, colleague or best friend.

Oh and one more thing, sometimes we may need to respond in a firm forceful way. Certain situations might call for this. Doing this mindfully and resetting quickly back to calm after the incident will dramatically affect how you feel and it will wash you of the negative charge quickly.

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If you would like to begin your journey into meditation, try our 21 day deep meditation program called Faster Deeper Bliss. In this program, you will receive daily guidance from meditation expert, Tom Cronin, every day for 21 days. Plus you will receive 35 support videos to answer all your questions and there a few bonuses in their also that will help take your life to the next level! Find out more about this program by clicking here.

Member’s comments about our program:
“I just want to mention that Faster Deeper Bliss most definitely changed (& still is changing!) my life, so thank you” -Lisa R

“I just completed day four of my Faster Deeper Bliss meditation.  I felt as if I had an out of body experience. The peace, love and serenity just made me cry. I didn’t want that amazing feeling to end. I never meditated before, but this program seemed to be a perfect fit for me at this time in my life. Thank you so much.” -Rhonda 

Why Did This Facebook Post About Not Posting Have More Likes Than Any Other Post?

It’s ironic isn’t it? I post about how I didn’t feel like posting on Instagram and Facebook and I get more likes and comments on that post than any other post I’d put out. Life is such a polarity yeh?! Why did this post get so much traction?

In the post I explained that I had experienced a number of events and experiences that were confronting and challenging, and this inspired me to go inward, to pull back, and be introspective. As a meditation teacher there is often a preconceived idea that you are blissed out and exuding love and light all day every day. Well not only is this not the case for me, it seems it is not the case for any teacher, leader or sage that I had come across in my travels and research. Even great enlightened Masters like Paramahansa Yoganada, Ram Dass, Jesus Christ, Buddha and Osho revealed their own inner conflict at times on their path.

For this reason I felt compelled to put the post out there. I grappled with it for a couple of days before posting it. Did I really want to show my vulnerability? Did I really want to expose myself like that? Did I want to pull everyone else into my story? Well interestingly what this post inspired was a huge opening of discussion and heart felt support. Support not just for my own current situation but also support for being open, raw, real and vulnerable.

It felt to me that the one thing people are appreciating more is realness and authenticity. It’s all too easy to share our joyous moments drinking turmeric chai lattes at sunrise on a beach, some awesome yoga pose on the edge of a forest at sunset or drinking champagne in your business class seat on your way to Maui! How do we manage social media and the realness of life? I’ve grappled with this for a while. How do I find balance in what I share? Obviously we don’t want to be posting our drab days sulking around the house in our worn out tracksuit pants and t-shirt (I.e. read pyjamas) navel-gazing about the meaning of life. It seems by default that social media will only reveal one aspect of our polarised existence, and that’s our happy, successful side.

I haven’t seen too many (any at all!) selfies in the bathroom mirror at 6am with bags under your eyes, hair like a birds nest, spots on your face and bloodshot eyes after a restless nights sleep grappling with a busy mind and a bombardment of EMF’s into your brain all night supported by ensuing hashtags #lovemylife #feelawesome. What you will get is a cheeky snap of someone in the mirror of their apartment block lift dressed to the nines, made up like a supermodel and on their way to the opening of a new restaurant. #rockstar #glamourlife

Up until now on the days that I don’t feel completely blissed out and eternally grateful for life I simply don’t post. But then this is extreme filtering and not really representing my true life. Do you want to hear about the mundane dull days where nothing much is going on and I am just getting through it as best I can? I doubt it. So how do we proceed into this new frontier of documenting all aspects of our life? I know some friends that post 1 photo a day and 6-10 story videos each and every day! And in each one they are doing epic things and they look like they are living a perfect life. In reality I know this isn’t the case and what it has the potential to do is make other people feel like their life is substandard in relative terms.

I don’t have the answer…. I’m simply asking questions. Perhaps you have more insight into this? Please share, as I’d love to open up a discussion below on the role of social media and how it might be causing an undercurrent of discontent and disconnect.

A Tip On How To Keep Your Sanity And Thrive While Being A Parent!

So you have just been through an intense few months of carrying a young human around in your belly, then you go through a 20 hour labour that is beyond any pain you may have ever experienced or will ever experience, you’re completely exhausted, then you are given a little fragile child to look after 24/7 with no manual!

Welcome to parenting! I realise this isn’t the way it is for everyone, but it’s how it was for my wife only it was slightly different, it wasn’t one child it was two! Being a new parent is an incredibly challenging time that can place a big strain not only on your own health and happiness but also on your relationship. Yet ironically it’s in this time that you really need to bond and support each other, and also have a heap of overflow for these beautiful little beings that have entered the world.

In this clip I share how meditation can play a big part in you getting through these difficult and challenging times. For instance, my wife would meditate while breast feeding during the night which would help throw off fatigue and release more serotonin and oxytocin into her body keeping her feeling elevated. So if you are about to enter into parenthood or are currently a parent check out this this clip below.

If you have young children then check out my kids book Missy Moo Meditates. In this book you will go on a journey as Missy Moo teaches her sister Boo how to meditate. Not only will your child learn to meditate while reading the book, but you will also receive a bonus guided meditation Mp3 to download and use whenever you want. Our whole family would sit on the sofa, turn off the lights and do this guided meditation before bed and the kids would sleep so well after it! Check it out here.
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How To Find Love And Thriving Relationships

love handsFinding love is one of the most sought after experiences in life. A few years ago we surveyed our Stillness Tribe to find out what they are looking for most. This is how they responded:
1. Loving Relationships
2. Wealth
3. Life Purpose
4. Happiness
It seemed that if we find a love in a relationship, if we find wealth, if we find a life purpose, THEN we will be happy.

If the one thing we are mostly looking for in our life is a relationship, then why are relationships the source of so much frustration and suffering? Romance and relationships are one of the greatest causes of suffering on the planet. It creates some of the deepest wounds that for many can take years if not a lifetime to heal. For some, these wounds can leave permanent scars. And that’s for those that find a relationship, then there is the frustration of those that have been looking and still can’t find one. Swiping left, swiping right, seeking, seeking, and yet to no avail! Ugh! Damned if you do find it and damned if you don’t!

Ok I’m giving relationships a bad wrap, which is totally unfair. It’s not relationships that are the problem; it’s the perspective of what a relationship is that causes the problem. Often love and relationships can get confused as the same thing yet love and relationships are two very different things. A relationship is a container that we put between two people, and what we put in the container determines the quality of the relationship. Where as love is what you feel within yourself. Love isn’t the relationship. We can feel love in a relationship, we can feel love outside of a relationship. We can feel NO love in a relationship, and we can feel NO love outside of a relationship.

When we rely on the relationship as the seeming source of love, then we are putting our hope into something that is a big variable. Relationships can change from day to day, moment to moment. All it takes is a different viewpoint on how to parent a child, on which route to take to the in-laws for dinner, what emotional state you are both in or even whether to slice an onion in rings or segments!! (Yes we have even had disagreements about this!) Relationships are tricky things. They thrive on unity and become fractured by disunity. They are complicated and due to their relative nature, they are polarising. That is, they will bring you the best of times and worst of times (and this could be within the one week or even a day!)

Where as love isn’t polarising. Love isn’t variable. Love doesn’t have positive and negative charge to it. Love is simply love. Love is neither good nor bad. Love has no pain, love is fearless, love is pure and love can never be damaged. So why is there so much angst and suffering around love? When we separate love and relationships as two different things then we are starting to get it. Relationships aren’t the source of love, they are the outlets for our love. Love is what we put INTO the container.

So where do we find love…look within. Love is our essence. It’s the very core of who we are. Love is the subtlest aspect of our being. As Anita Moorjani, author of Dying To Be Me said: “I knew that was really the only purpose of life: to be our self, live our truth, and be the love that we are.”

Why is love so hard to find? Because we are seeking it in relationships when it’s not there. Finding love requires turning our gaze inward, deep through the layers of the ego to our fiery heart centre within. It’s there, always there, whether there is a relationship container or not. And yes it’s hard to find at times. When you do find this unlimited source of love then we have something to pour into that container and fill it up with. Imagine pouring unlimited love into that container instead of your stress, your angst, your regrets, your unworthiness, your anger and shame? What happens then to the relationship? Voila! It changes completely! My high school motto at St Gregory’s College was Quae Seminaveris Metes which translated from the Latin means, ‘You will reap what you sow’. Put love in and see what you inspire in the relationship.

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The Empowerment Series consists of 3 one hour power-packed audios on Finding Love, Manifesting Abundance and Discovering Your Life Purpose. You will not only receive the three downloadable audios, but also get the ebook versions and a companion book to capture those big nuggets of gold that will transform your life.
The Empowerment Series has been empowering and elevating people all over the world with comments like Susana who said:
“I wanted to express my gratitude to you as you have open a door to something I have been trying to reach for a long time: Myself, my inner strength. Your empowerment series talked straight to my heart and inspired me to be love. So thank you, thank you, thank you for all your hard work and for putting all that knowledge in such a beautiful and simple way.”
And then Joseph D said “The possibility of loving yourself unconditionally, creating abundance and understanding your life purpose has been brought to life through the empowerment series. Congratulations Tom, the world needs to hear this.”

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Why Falling Asleep In Meditation Is Ok

sleepDo you ever fall asleep in your meditation sessions? Trust me it’s a very common occurrence and one that happened to me many times and still to this day can occur. Many people feel they have failed or aren’t meditating well because they keep falling asleep when they sit down to meditate. In fact it’s probably the main enquiry that I get with my students.
So I have put together a short video for you where I explain why you fall asleep in meditation and what to do about it. The good news is that if you fall asleep in meditation it’s a sign you’re getting a lot out of meditation….Click below and I’ll explain why.

If you are struggling with insomnia and poor sleep then grab my simple step by step guide to having a good night sleep. After reading this book and following these steps you will be able to fall asleep in minutes!

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