How To Dissolve An Argument With 5 Simple Words


couple-hugging1How would you like to see an end to most of your arguments? How would you like to experience relationships that flow smoothly without friction? Well today you’re going to find out a simple way of dissolving an argument within minutes.

Many years ago I used to always be jumping up on my soapbox finding someone to argue with. I had very strong opinions about everything and if someone didn’t agree with my opinion I would vehemently defend my viewpoint. Like all arguments it was my hope to have them see things my way. This required a lot of time and energy and in nearly every case neither person would change their point of view. All that was achieved was the point of difference between us would become highlighted and there would have been a deterioration in the relationship.

Do you think that a Republican and a Democrat arguing will convince either side to change view? How about a socialist and a capitalist? Or a vegetarian and a meat eater? A Christian or a Muslim? We spend a great deal of time in arguments between people, states, tribes, religions and countries trying to convince ‘others’ to embrace our point of view. This results in heightened points of difference and very rarely, if ever at all, a joint agreement where both parties walk away united in one viewpoint.

So why do we do it? Why spend so much time trying to win a debate, which is almost unwinnable? More often than not these situations escalate into very heated exchanges, (yes sometimes war) which leave both parties worse off with very little resolution.

Is it the search for unity? Our relationships flourish through unity. Convincing others to see things from our perspective and not theirs is a great way to get unity. That is if they will succumb and actually see things from your perspective. But what if they don’t? Can you yell it into them? Beat it into them? Or in some cases even shoot or bomb it into them? It’s not a process that is working too well in many countries where there is political or religious differences right now is it?

There is another way though. Instead of convincing them to see things from your perspective, what if you were able to see things from their perspective? We can’t control their viewpoint but we can control ours. Empathy is a powerful force. When you empathise you unite. When you empathise you connect. If there is a viewpoint not shared by you, trying to understand their viewpoint will shift things dramatically. Watch how your ego wants to defend it’s ground. It will rear up and stake its turf and start to fight. Watch what happens if you dissolve the ego. From here there is no ground to defend.

Open the dialogue with 5 simple words: “I understand how you feel.” This immediately bridges the gap between you and them and brings you closer together. Instead of starting off from a point of difference you have now started from a point of connectivity, Unity.
This is the basis for a healthy relationship and also a good starting point to have a grounded and peaceful discussion around finding unity while still sharing different viewpoints.

In your next argument, why don’t you feel your ego dissolve and genuinely say, “I understand how you feel” and let me know how different the situation unfolds. I’d love to hear how it goes.

You might also like to read my book Path To Peace which will help you live a more peaceful life with improved relationships, career, health and finances. Click below to receive it.

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How To Mend A Broken Heart

fiery-love_1920x1200_74489Oh the pain and the heart ache. The lost love, the broken heart, the emptiness. Do these lines sound familiar to you? How often do you hear these words when discussing the separation of relationships?

We even hear words like these in films and songs. You may recall (showing my age here!) Foreigner’s song with the lyrics “I don’t want to live without you” and Maria Carey’s melody “I can’t live, if living is without you.” Then of course we can’t forget The Notebook movie with lines like: “I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me… everyday.”

Some of the greatest suffering in the world today is derived from relationships coming to a seeming end.

I’m sure you yourself have been through some of this ache at some point in your life. No doubt you have found love and then seemingly lost love. Did you experience that high of life when your heart opened up in love and then the pain when the heart seemingly contracted when the love was ‘taken away from you’?

Recently a student asked me if meditation could mend a broken heart.

My first response was: “You don’t have a broken heart.”

Yes, there was a mild state of disbelief and shock in her eyes!

However I went on to explain more deeply that her heart is fine. It’s an eternal flame of fiery love that actually never extinguishes. Its always there burning the bright light of love. It was her ego that was hurt. The heart is always simply love, but our ego, that thin layer of us that feels hurt when someone withdraws their attention from us, that’s something different altogether. Often we wrap our hearts in thick casing to protect it. But what we are doing here is smothering a heart that is seeking to shine bright and emanate love.

Love isn’t something that we ‘get’ or ‘give’, love is the essence of who we are. Of course lets not dismiss our humanity and ignore the sense of loss and feelings of missing someone. Pain is part of our journey. But the pain is also a reminder, to look within, to reconnect with that fiery heart centre and come back to being an expression of love.

Meditation will help you connect to that fiery source within you. It will help you penetrate that thin film of the ego and go deeper to this core of molten lava of inner love. When you daily transcend  the ego and tap into your loving heart centre you will find empowerment and freedom in all your relationships. They will no longer be the fleeting source of love rather they will be a space for you to express the love that you are.

To help you deepen your connection to your heart, I have created a Golden Heart Meditation for you to do each day. This short guided meditation will enhance those feelings of love in your body and free you of the pains of the past. After meditating on your heart each day you will feel more love in your life regardless of your past or your present relationships. That’s true freedom! Check it out in our store below:


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How To Dissolve An Argument In Minutes

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Last week I had a disagreement with someone. It developed into a situation that you would describe as a heated argument. Yes again this may surprise you, that a meditation teacher would have an argument! Well, there you go, breaking down perceptions.

So to let you know more about the situation, this person had a viewpoint which I didn’t share. They wanted me to accept their viewpoint and I wanted them to accept mine. So we argued in the vain hope that one of us would switch sides and then we would be in agreement. It was one of those scenarios where each person seemed to think that the louder we voiced our opinion the more we believed it would convince the other person to agree with them. (Sound familiar??)

This loud heated exchange went on for a few minutes until I withdrew myself from the scene and the energy in it. I walked away, went into a quiet room, and took some deep breaths. I slowed everything down and was able to detach and observe. One quote came to my mind: “Suffering is resistance to change”, and I have to admit, it wasn’t the most joyful moment! So something had to change.

As a result of many years of meditation, I was able to detach from the ‘me’ who was involved in the situation and be consciously pro-active from an ego-less state rather than re-active. Once I removed the ego and the need to win the argument, I was able to cognise what was really occurring.

This person was having a relationship with me, and relationships flourish when there is unity.

When you are arguing there is dis-unity. There is separation.

I realised that they wanted me to be united with them. So from a clear calm state of mind I returned moments later equipped with 2 very important words: “I understand”. I told them that I understand their viewpoint, and that I totally understand why they felt that way. At that point the entire energy shifted. Rather than a hard collision and friction there was unity and harmony.

There was a softness and calmness that pervaded the room. Communication became gentle, and we were now having a shared experience. Within minutes we had turned around what was a heated argument into a gentle heartfelt dialogue. This also inspired them to understand my perspective and even though they were different perspectives, we were unified in that we both understood each other why we had them. I am not suggesting that you take the other person’s side of an argument each time, however sometimes when we understand and empathise why they see things from their perspective, it can change the entire energy in the room.

Arguments are about force and dominance. I used to argue a lot. I used to try to force my viewpoint into people’s lives. Yeh, I was on my soapbox! (Sorry everyone!) These days though, I don’t feel that I need to win the arguments anymore. (Although my kids might disagree).

Everyone sees the world through the vision of their own lens. Usually trying to force someone to see it through your lens will not only create resistance on their behalf, but also be a whole lot of aggravation that you just don’t need. This can be played out with couples, company’s, and even between countries as we are seeing on the planet right now.

So if you find yourself in a heated argument is it possible to step away and ask yourself what is your goal there? Is it to be a victor and win the debate? Do you really need that person to have your viewpoint? Do you really believe that the harder and louder you voice your perspective that you will convince them to see it your way? Or is harmony, happiness and love the ultimate goal in life?

We cover more of this in the Empowerment Series. This comprises 3 one hour audios on life purpose, attracting abundance and successful relationships from a soulful perspective. You can listen to these audios on your phone, laptop or in your car while driving. You’ll also receive the companion books and the books of the audios to go with it. Find out more below:

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