I’ve been surprised lately that in 3 separate conversations where I shared that I had teenage twins, I received a response of “Oh you poor thing!” or “Far out that must be challenging.”
Yet it has not only been the most enjoyable period of my parenting life, but also the easiest!
So this made me ponder as to why my experience parenting teenagers is so far from other people’s expectations of what it would be like. Of course they are surrounded by lots of love and as parents we communicate to them how much we love them all the time. But I didn’t feel this was the only reason that parenting teenagers was easier than others expected.
Then it came to me…I realised it was 4 words that I constantly say to my children that has helped my parenting so much. I feel these 4 words help them feel empowered and they get to realise that in many respects, they are the creators of their life.
These 4 words were “It is your choice.”
Ok, so now you’re thinking “What? You just let them do what they want?”
No, definitely not. But we do let them know there is a natural law of cause and effect. Every action has a corresponding reaction, and it’s their choice as to what effect they want to cause.
So when you study and do well at school you receive accolades and good marks from the teacher plus lots of nice words and positive vibes from your parents. When you respond rudely to your parents or don’t do what we ask you to do, you lose your phone for a week (yes a HUGE pain point!) If you say something impolite or negative about a peer you receive in someway something negative back. When you do something good for someone, you receive something good back. I explained to my children that it’s a flow of energy. Good goes out, good comes back. Negative goes out, negative comes back. It’s all energy playing out in forms.
When we sit down together and go through examples of this they can clearly see how this works. They can see the sequence unfold in their lives everyday and it never misses a beat. So now they realise that they are the creators. They are empowered. They get to choose…negative or positive.
Of course, it’s not perfect. None of us are, but it sure has made a huge difference by empowering them to realise that it’s not US against THEM, rather them and the Universe playing together as energy. It’s a bit woo-woo I know but they get it over time 🙂
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